| Oct. 21st, 2005 @ 09:20 am (no subject) |
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Current Mood:  thinking
Current Music: Seven Wonders- Nickel Creek
Time to get deep:
I feel alone up here but I know why. It's because of a lot of things.
-One thing is I live in reality. I am to down to earth for most people. People up here don't want to be down to earth and live life in life. They want to go and party. they think that's living, they think that they're living it up if they party and do stupid shit is living life. It isn't, it's partying, not living. They don't like me and the extreme few that are like me because they know that they're still children and that we're the adults. We're going to tell them not to touch the stove cus it's hot, they're going to do it and get burned and then come crying back to the adults. If they want to live life they need to learn to live it in reality. Beacause this is it, I don't know if they know it yet, but this is life, this is their future, this isn't just high schoolers gone wild, where we give high schoolers the chance to run free and do what they want. Now I know I sound like a cold basterd but I'm reeally not. I don't really care what they do. But just is interesting that so many want to experiance life and live it up when really all they want to do is party. Big difference between the two. But I can't stop them. I can only comfort them after the children have burnt their hands.
-Another thing is that everyone seems to where a mask for certain groups and play different personas for different people. I can see through their masks and they don't like that. One of my gifts is I can see through their masks, see through their lies. I can sit silently their and see who a person really is. I can see almost everything, pending on how focused I can get. I can see who they really are, I can see past the lies, the masks, and people don't like that. They don't like how they can't hide from me. That I see straight to the core and they can't stop that. I demonstrated that on a friend of mine the other day. I couldn't get focused enough to get a really good reading, but I saw a lot. I guess that's one reason I help people, cus I can already see past all the masks and see the problems. Sometimes I don't help because I know the person doesn't want help.
-Another thing is I can feel the pain of others, and they don't like how I know it. I can sit their and I can pick up pain and emotion and I feel that same thing. I know when someone's sad because a rush of sadness will rush over me for no reason,and it goes with every emotion. I pick up that a person is feeling a certain emotion and I feel it, thus I know what they're feeling. It doesn't work when its a lot of people unless it's strong enough. Same with internal pain. If someone has hurt their foot or leg I will get a slight pain in my leg or foot. This once again is a gift and a curse. Some pain I don't want to feel. The other day with the same friend as above who I did the reading on, I had slight pain in my heart signifying a pain their. I didn't know exactly what it was but he knew it when I saw it. This is just one way I know how to help people because I sense what they're going through and feel the same thing on a lower level. It was funny cus the other day this girl was making me feel guilty cus of the pain she had to go through one night, and how I didn't go through it but she did. But because of this damn "talent" I was with her every step of the way. It was funny because I felt a lot of the pain she felt and took care of her at the same time. I can hide most of the pains which pop up during the day when I pick them up, I am an actor. But this knowing is what pushes people away. This "gift" allows me to know too much for everyone's liking.
With all those things, that's why people tend to stay away from me. I'm real and have this "gift" which they dont like. But those who don't fear should know that they can tell me anything. That I can help them because of all of these factors and more. But most dont. I don't like a lot of people knowing this "gift" because then I turn into the sideshow attraction where people come in wanting me to do it as if it were nothing. A friend of mine who has a similar "gift" made it public and now he's like the freak show. I don't care anymore, that's why I finally have said something. I have all the words to describe this thing of mine because all the words are positive and this thing is both positive and negative. But I don't know. I've turned my heart and emotions off, which I've learned to do over the years, to keep me sane. My heart is still attached to someone, so that's why I turned it off, so I can remain friends with her. I know some of you are saying to turn the heart back on and dump her as a friend. But I feel happiest when I'm with her, even if we are just friends are. Not to mention something I've felt cus of my "talent" which makes me stand next to her ready to help her on her way. She might forget me and ditch me and not care anymore but I still do. So the heart's off, numb inside once more. I'm use to it, so no worries. As for the people here. If they want to outcast me, so be it, I don't care. I'm use to being alone. It's my worst fear but I'm use to it. I'll update more later.
-Brandon |
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shadowwatcher55's journal
Dear Santa...
cold
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Beloved by all, puppies are energetic, playful, and loving. Your playful and friendly nature is part of what makes you a puppy. Known for their loyalty, puppies make great pets for young and old alike. And an innocent puppy face can melt anyone's heart!